So far, so good

Well, it's been ten days since I lost the baby. It's still fresh to the point where I tear up if I think about it, but it's getting better. I've been spending a lot more time with the kids and treasuring every moment.

(Bub and me cuddling and watching tv. I made Dusty take a pic because Bub doesn't lay down to love on me like that too often. I think he knew I was sad and wanted to make me feel better)

I was really excited to be having another child. I was even picturing the doctor telling me the sex because I had already decided that we weren't going to find out at eighteen weeks. In the back of my mind, I kinda wouldn't mind actually trying for a third after I recover and Dusty and I have even been talking about it, but that's a big step and we're not going to make a decision any time soon, just kinda daydreaming. Livi has really gotten attatched to me since I've been off from the surgery. Dusty even noticed. I'm trying to soak it up because I'm scared that with one fallopian tube that I might not be able to get pregnant easily or at all. So, if she's my last baby, I want to treasure her. She's even been sleeping with me. Oh I love snuggling a baby, they're so warm and smell so good. Oh and by the way, Olivia is eight months old today!!!

Everyone has been really supportive and sympathetic. A really sweet midwife up at work has what's been making me feel better. We've only talked a time or two on facebook, but it's been a big help. There's just something about her words that really touch my heart. She knows exactly what to say to make me feel better. I'm almost dreading going back to work because I'm sure everyone will tell me their sorry. Of course,  I might be wrong and they all might act like nothing happened. I hope I don't cry either way.

I didn't tell anyone in the family that I had a misscariage except my sister Mary who, I had to tell because we had to have someone bring Dustin to the hospital so he could drive me home. I didn't want to have to tell everyone the whole story again and I didn't want anyone feeling sorry for me. At the current moment, I wouldn't say I'm really close with my family. This blog is pretty much my diary because I don't figure anyone even reads it except my sister Mary who I can't talk about since she's going to read it. :) I would like to think that someone looks at my blog and keeps up with me because they geuinely like the kind of person I am and with this day and age, blog stalking is a hobby to most people (I know it is to me), but I doubt I have any fans. I don't have anything to demonstrate, I'm not trying to make money off my blog...this is just my story about my life...plain and simple. Hey, I ought to put this speech on my profile.

Speaking of family, let me introduce you to them (It's about time isn't it?)...

(Dad and Mom-this pic was taken around 2002?)

I have an older brother named Erick who is twelve years older than me,

(Erick with his daughter Ericka and son Joshua)

an older sister named Crystal who is ten years older than me,

(Crystal with her son Dalton and daughter Destiny at the school's Thanksgiving lunch)

and a wonderful (wink wink) sister named Mary who is exactly two years younger than me.

(Mary aka "MiMi" and Livi hanging out at my house)